I have been thinking about this for a while now.
This blog started out of the blue in a lot of ways. I just sat down one day and decided to write.
But when I really think about it, I have wanted to blog for ages and just never plucked up the courage to do it. It is such a personal thing and by sharing your blog you are sharing not just your life but your thoughts and emotions.
I suppose my desire to write stems back to my early teens.
When I was thirteen, my mum, my brother and I moved in with my stepfather and his three children. It was a huge change and we all found it difficult adjusting. Initially all five of us 'kids' were put into one bedroom, my brother and I sleeping on camp beds. As you can imagine, five children in one room was a situation any sane individual would ordinarily avoid, but unfortunately that was the result of two families merging into one in a two bed house!
I found my relationship with Hannah, only one year younger than me, the hardest. I can understand, her home and her personal space had been invaded by another family. Another family she had neither asked for or wanted in her life, let alone her bedroom! So we fought, a lot.
I began writing a diary. I found solace in venting my anger and frustration.
Hannah also wrote a diary.
I soon discovered that Hannah had secretly been reading my diary. Angered and hurt at my privacy being violated, I started to read hers too.
My next diary entry began 'Dear Hannah'.
For a long time without speaking a word of it to each other we continued to 'secretly' read our letters to each other. It allowed us to express our emotions and work through our differences without having to argue face to face. So we continued to do that. After a while, the letters became less angry and we would find ourselves laughing at each others jokes and comments. Eventually the diaries became something we shared. We no longer 'hid' them and as funny as it sounds would actually ask 'Have you read my diary today?'
Today me and Hannah are very close and although we are no longer 'forced' to live together, we live close by and regularly see each other. Hannah if you are reading this blog ... I love you man!
I think I also started my blog because I enjoy reading other peoples. I discovered the world of blogging when I was pregnant. I loved being a part of other peoples experiences and felt relieved when other people would be writing about the same concerns that I had. I thought what a lovely idea. It is not only a fantastic way of venting your emotions but it also helps others know that they're not alone.
After I had Mya, I became quite detached from civilisation. I didn't have a lot of adult contact and found my vocabulary diminishing quite dramatically. I wouldn't talk much to Mya and if I did it would be baby talk. I was regressing! My language became so bad I am pretty sure there were Neanderthals with better eloquence.
I decided something must be done! So I started this blog. Since then I have found that I have not only got a piece of 'me' back, which I lost after becoming a mum, but I talk to Mya more. Mya's speech has sky rocketed in the last month or so that I have been writing and I am almost certain this blog has something to do with it!
Aside from all of that, I find the thing I love most about blogging is keeping a record of everything Mya does that I am sure I would forget if I didn't write it down. Childhood is such a precious and fleeting time. With a blink of your eye your tiny newborn has transformed into a bouncing toddler. A blog allows memories that would normally be scattered in the past be captured and treasured.
I also like to think that if something were to happen to me (god forbid), Mya would be able to read this record of our time together as mother and daughter and know that she was loved unconditionally.
So I write.
For me and for my gorgeous, crazy daughter.
This is our story.