1 October 2011

You know you have a toddler when...

You search for hours to finally discover your car keys hidden in a ride-along car

You have an audience whilst going to the toilet ...

... and the audience starts poking your bits and laughing

You discover what its like to poo with someone sat on your lap

You find your jumper, straight out of the clean washing pile, has a glamorous smear of snot down it

Hoovering takes super-human strength because there is a small person riding on it

You start reading stories in a 'Borat' accent because if you have to listen to yourself read 'The noisy ninky-nonk' one more time you will have a mental breakdown!

You give up saying 'NO!' and let them eat the cat food

The Asda delivery guy gets to see your knickers, very proudly displayed on the head of the grinning child next to you

You eat a half chewed piece of toast because they wanted to 'share'

You are enjoying a relaxing bubble bath with a glass of wine, a giant rubber duck and a singing turtle

You have gone the whole day with make-up on only one eye because you were distracted mid-beautifying by a small person removing their nappy and peeing on the floor

You have a heart attack walking to the toilet in the middle of the night because you have stood on a laughing toy

Instead of pulling a pen out of your handbag, out comes a Smurf

Your toothbrush is being used as a floor cleaner

You hear 'Uh-oh' and wonder what has just been dropped down the toilet

In the car you realise you are singing 'Twinkle Twinkle' in your best opera voice, stopped at a busy pedestrian crossing, with the windows wide open

You smile and shrug at the Tesco's checkout assistant who notices you have cake in your hair and a mini cheddar in your cleavage

You get the most amazing kisses and don't care if your face gets covered in crumbs

You laugh every day and you realise that life is so much more fun in a toddler's world

You know you have a toddler when ... Part Two


  1. when you open your favourite book to read and there are pen marks and scribbles on all the pages....lol

  2. I found myself nodding and agreeing with each of these points! I also have to read the noisy ninky nonk on repeat however it may have been swapped now for a yojojo noisy book! xxxx

  3. Great post ..... can relate to everything you said.

  4. Haha thank you! I find I think of more everyday! It is such fun being a toddler's mum!

  5. Only 4 comments! That's outrageous! You deserve way more than that for making me laugh this much. I'm going off to tweet your post now! If they don't all come over and comment then they're rubbish!
    Thanks so much for joining in the Showcase on Love Mummy Blogs last week. Look forward to seeing you there again!

  6. Aw thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! lol. Just sent my excerpt through for this weeks Love mummy blogs showcase!